The Virgin Romance Novelist is hands down the funniest book that I have ever read. I was only a few paragraphs in and already laughing. I continued to laugh and smile through the rest of the book. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard reading a book. Word of caution, don’t read in bed when your husband is trying to sleep or at work.
Rosie Bloom, is a virgin who hates her job at Friendly Felines and wanted to write a novel. A romance novel. The only problem was, is that she had no clue how to describe a sex scene or the right slang to use. She was used to reading historical and 80’s and 90’s romance books that her mother read.
Her best friends, Delaney and Henry, convinced her that she needed to start dating and get some experience. That’s were more hilarity comes into the picture.
Once Henry was brought into the picture I kept wondering if or when they’d get together. They could talk about anything and seemed to have great chemistry. Unfortunately Rosie was extremely naive and never really thought Henry could be interested in her until her other best friend Delaney mentioned it. Although she’d always had a crush on Henry and started to develop more feeling for him as he laid out hints of them being together, she didn’t want to lose her best friend and their friendship. She wasn’t the type of girl that Henry went for, she didn’t want to be a one-night stand, and she was too inexperienced for what she thought he’d like.
I felt bad for Henry. It was obvious from the start that he liked Rosie and he had to watch her leave to go on many dates and then hear all about them. Henry was the perfect boyfriend material. He was always looking out for her, would listen to her, remember what she said (Crazy!), comfort her, and try to help her even when I’m sure he was wishing she would be interested in him.
Oh all her dates were such hilarious disasters from swing dancing with smoking panties, kicking her date in the nuts, ripping her pants bowling, puking, farting, and dog ball face. See how could you not want to read this book?
I loved all the funny sayings that Rosie would use like having a bee pollinate her flower, her briar patch, and sweet lady folds.
There are so many funny parts that I could go on and on, and I have a lot of things highlighted, but this part made me laugh until I was crying so I thought it should be the one I share with you. I had to stop reading because I couldn’t see the words on my kindle anymore. It may not be as funny because it’s out of context, but it’s still funny without knowing what’s going on.
“I’m a virgin,” I blurted out, knowing that was a giant red flag when it came to guys. “I’m a stage five clinger. If you poke me with that penis, I will want to marry you tomorrow. I actually already love you. I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, I was preparing my engagement speech to you, because I want to propose, and if we have sex, I guarantee you I will get pregnant, condom or not. My vagina eats condoms actually and my eggs are more than willing to pull your sperm into their sacs as hostages. We can make a baby today, just say the word. Marriage, babies, and I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Yup, pulled out all the stops.
I don’t know what books Rosie started reading once Henry convinced her that she need to read some that were contemporary, but the ideas they gave Rosie were hysterical. She was so innocent she never knew if what she was reading was weird or not, but it definitely got her to experiment some and start seeing sex in a new light.
I really hope that there will be more books with Rosie and Henry. I don’t want their story to end and I definitely see potential for more as Rosie tries to write her novel and future novels.
** I was provided an arc by the author for a fair and honest review. **
Rating: 5 Stars
Pre-order on Amazon. Release date: April 2, 2015